tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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