It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
