oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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