Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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