so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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