There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
