My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
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