i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
