i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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