Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
