you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
