i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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