i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
