Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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