Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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