Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
