You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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