i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
