i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
