The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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