How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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