Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
