My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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