I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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