The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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