oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
