apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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