just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
