these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
