Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
