The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
