we're chasing vodka with high fives
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
