if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just tell him i said nine months
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
