Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
