Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
