They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
