i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize