Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
