Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
