Plan B is the new Plan A
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
