I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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