we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
