plz talk dirty to me
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
