My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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