so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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