I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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