Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
