just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
