I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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