I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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