My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
