you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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