for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
