Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
being pregnant is like rehab
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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